love in the daylight

saw god in a parking lot the other day
he smiled and my thoughts ran away from home
i was reaching out to touch his face
until i realized he was untouchable
not because he wanted to be untouchable
but because he was everything around me
it's so hard to envision touching life
but if you can touch life with your whole heart
you can touch god's face...

i saw god in my house yesterday morning
he was inside my daughter's room
inside my daughter
she looked up at me with her big blue eyes
the ones that used to be Frank Sinatra blue
but since then have blended in with a silver
that has further pronounced the growing beauty of her
glowing face
she looked into my eyes with her eyes
she was starting to become agitated
then upset, then enraged
throwing clothes around her room
the room she helped me clean the night before
i wanted to become frustrated with her
but god told me to put my arms around her instead
so i did
when i did i almost started to cry
she did start to cry
she cried hard there in her room
i didn't almost start to cry because she was crying
i almost started to cry because
now i wasn't just seeing god
i was feeling god too.

she felt better after that
and so did i
but i couldn't help but remember the feeling
that stayed deep within my skin
inside into my heart.

Little Talks

I woke up this morning and my mind was the New Jersey Turnpike

I woke up and the thoughts I stuffed in a suitcase and buried in the back yard rose from the dead like dark spirits on a full moon

The crack in my small bridge became a full fledged safety concern and I finally asked myself a question that should have been asked a long time ago:

What does my love look like?

I don't usually entertain that question, I don't sit down and close my eyes and visualize love

But when I did it scared me

Because my love was always leaving, was always double-sided with impure intentions

The love I saw looked nervous and paranoid

Well I looked in the mirror and asked myself where this thought came from?

The devil spoke to me again and said "you think I'm going anywhere?"

He said, "I'll be waiting for you everyday for the rest of your life, and frankly, right now... I don't think you're strong enough to handle what I have for you"

All I could do was shake my head, close my eyes, and pray for the thoughts to stop.

He's right, I'm probably not strong enough.

______________________________________________________________

Don't listen to a word I say.

The screams all sound the same.

Scared.

__________________________________________________________

I watch the silence enter the room

like a cheap perfume takeover

this silence stench seems to cloud my compassion

for you and what we've become

Do I share your thoughts

like I share the past memories

of someone brand new?

People you've created for me

to stare at

to fight with

to deny they were ever apart of you

I'd like to think this is all my fault

wouldn't want to put this on you

because if it were up to fight or flight

I would have already flew.

That Old Black Hole

___________________________________________________________

I put on my clothes like a body guard

I put the dogs on patrol in my own back yard

I don't want to fight, but I'm constantly ready

And I don't rock the boat, but its always unsteady

There's an elephant in my head

And I tiptoe around it

There are eggshells on the floor

Therefore I never touch the ground

It's like that old black hole

No matter how you try

You set out each day

Never to arrive

I got my eye on the prize, but it looks just like the mystery

And it all goes by on the lonesome trail to victory

I'm drawing the blinds; I've got my own four walls

Man the show really starts once the curtain falls

Take this thorn from my side

Fix this chip on my shoulder

Time is racing with the clock

And I ain't getting any older

It's like that old black hole

No matter how you try

You set out each day

Never to arrive

I put on my finest thread

And I wrap up my body tight

With the sun in my eyes

I step into the night

Like a mystery in the dark

Oh its just another kind of light

I don't expect you do believe me, but everything is alright

I don't make rules for a living

I don't do tricks for a dime

I was born on a good day - deaf, dumb, and blind

Who am I to tell the truth

Oh, I don't even know what it is

I don't know how to say it

But I know that I can show you

I said I don't know how to say it

But I know that I can show you

I tied my boots up tight and head straight to bed

There's a pistol and a crystal underneath my pillow

There's a tender heart inside that ugly armadillo

These are tears of joy cried the weeping willow

There's a spirit in the air, there ain't to way around it

I was not prepared to lose it all the moment that I found it

It's like that old black hole

No matter how you try

You set out each day

Never to arrive

Advice from Casey Kochmer

Boredom

Boredom, Tedium, loss of focus, tiredness, and so many ways to describe getting stuck in the rut....

Don't be afraid to show what you feel, nor to express yourself. After-all at some point we all go down to experience being down. The truth is, we all have our lows.

What makes the difference is what you do in the lows.

If you embrace the lows, the lows just get lower. Depression and boredom feed upon each other to create deeper holes to climb out from later. So one lesson to understand is don't reinforce your lows with more lows.

For example:
It might be fun to hang out with a friend who is depressed when you are depressed for company. Misery loves company, but misery adores misery... Sharing depression with another person in depression just ensures you keep each other down and in the rut. Misery just digs the hole deeper for depression to root in and depression just pulls misery down upon itself...

It's just a terrible combination!

It's acceptable to express your lows, but it's destructive to embrace them. You must release the lows, as singing the blues, to let the wind wail but then to come up and out back to the sun. The secret of the blues, isn't that the singer embraces the depth of despair, but they are rejoicing from hopes of harmony, the process of release by actually singing out rather than holding in the blues. This release of song lifts the person out from the blues, to show even at the darkest point, a song can make light of the dark...

No boredom and all the negative emotions are not bad for you unless you make it your lifestyle. Any negative lifestyle will tear down your world block by block... Yes this might be a form of release: but it is a destructive release over a constructive release.

We talk about release all the time in Taoism, however, we teach to release in a positive manner, in a manner that embraces grace, compassion and kindness.

If you release in a manner that embraces sloth, envy and spite then you actually get replacement rather than release, you swap out your core being to be negative attachments that end up defining you.

In other words to sing the blues is to sing:
"freedom is when you have nothing left to lose..."

So Depression knows this and depression will fill your being with misery... Misery will add in boredom... boredom breeds contempt...and it all adds up... so in the end you will get so full of these negative emotions you literally have no room left, no place to go, stuck in the rut.

Experience the lows, so you can turn around to release the very same lows, to learn to recognize them and tell Mr. Low Down Misery ... sorry no more... It's time for me to go... And release to the song of my life.

Release is just release... in the end, we all must let go to discover grace... hanging on, drags everyone down... down... down... most especially true when you are down upon yourself. It's pretty hard to restart your life, if you yourself are keeping yourself down....


Release...


Namaste

Chloe

This song by GroupLove has double the significance in my life right now. First, I just adopted a great new kitty cat named Chloe, or 'Chloe Cat' as we like to call her. Second, GroupLove's album 'Never Trust a Happy Song' is so complete and impressive that I had to post another track from it...

Dim the lights, dim the lights, dim the lights, low.

Enjoy!

An Interesting Proposal...

I don't usually post articles on my blog, but I stumbled upon this somehow and found it very interesting. Would most people agree (men and women)... I don't know? Either way it makes sense, but may be an idea of the past... Which is sad for both marriages in the 21st century and children who are raised with the 'new idea' of a family where they are #1.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/loving-husband-more-kids-key-good-life-181900983.html