Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. - "Vocal Chords

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. - "Simple Girl"

The Man Within

i listened to a story the other day
about a boy who finally decided to become a man
there was no celebration or ritualistic initiation
no light bulbs, no epiphanies or new realizations
this boy decided to become a man all by himself

he made up his mind from that day forward:

he would stop blaming others for his misfortunes
he would care for those he loved, and be loyal no matter what
he would start giving more of himself to others
he wouldn't wrestle so much with truth, but would let the truth come naturally, as the truth always does
he would pray and try with all his might to realize something bigger than himself
he would respect his elders, especially his mother and father- no matter what kind of past he had with them
he would go out of his comfort zone
he would open up to a world that scared him when he was a boy
he would love, and allow himself to be loved

this man smiled as he told his story
he said he didn't need a life-changing event to become a man
he just needed to do the right things in his life
and face his fear and his pain and his suffering
and take care of the boy within himself
he told me that deep inside him

the man was there all along.

Monday, August 29, 2011


full life feeling
lined with a contagious itch for the big stuff
something that the church or state can't take away
the fall feels like a continuous drop to a grave
get on top of this- feel my hip bones asking for your friction
kneeling beside me, peeling clothes, and sighing with lips pursed
i feel it now
and i wonder how
i feel anything at all when our clothes are on
this stretch is a far cry from a lovesick fever
i want to share the news
and debate the consciousness of man
then dive into a world of nature
sleep inside your thoughts
mix up our fears and dreams
bleed into your scars
and breathe in your happiness
i can't feel your life
i don't taste your mind and your soul is lost
covered, shadowed, blurred
somewhere between the heavens of your heart
and your deepest fear
of not being accepted
as anything at all.

where are you?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

You wanted a monster, here I am.

It's been a while since I've taken the time to write (type) down thoughts here.
My typical life can sometimes sweep me away from things I enjoy most.
Like discovering new music, and challenging myself to record my thoughts somewhere, anywhere.
I really shy away from putting myself out there enough to try and explain what I'm thinking.
Or even to sit down and sort out the thoughts to begin with.
When I do I come away from the experience very fulfilled, but the next try is just as difficult.
I don't know why that is? Am I nervous of what someone will think? After all, I am my biggest critic. Or do I just block myself from the fulfillment that doing what I love can offer?
Either way, I'm here now.

I was talking with someone the other day, and trying to explain my view on God (WAIT- don't run away or stop reading or immediately assume something about this conversation). It was a very non-threatening talk, and I was merely stating my idea which seems obvious to me now..
God takes on so many forms for so many different people, but I was thinking the real focus is on the battle of good and evil. The battle of what we think we want to do, with what we actually should do. Or the battle of our emotions going haywire versus total self-control in any situation- these kinds of fights.

These battles are the real thing. We don't need to have known a God or met a Godlike figure to know these battles. They occur every single day. So how does God come into play? Or, as Buddha thought it- how does the very tricky Ego figure into this equation?

The delusions that come along with being a human cause us to lose sight of what is important- for ourselves and for others. These delusions will always exist, and some have far more delusions, and at higher extremes, than others. The minimization of the delusions come with experience, but right along with experience one must practice an unbiased reflection of their own actions, must exert self-control, patience- a willingness to grow. This is the constant battle we all face. Some lose this battle day in and day out. Others win one battle, but lose another. Still others press on doing whatever they must to conquer each and every battle they encounter... these people are few, and very special.

I'm not sure that it matters what God you pray to. What religion or philosophy you rely on to help fight the battles alongside yourself. However, you must find some rock, some solid foundation. So when your emotions do go haywire, or your patience has been depleted, or your self-control is shaky, you can stand firm and still fight the good fight against these delusions- against the evil that plagues us all.


The Laughing Heart

"You can't beat death, but you can beat death in life, sometimes."

Little Dragon

This is what I've been listening to... on repeat... for 3 days and counting...

Little Dragon 'Ritual Union' (Live on Fallon) from lentetijd on Vimeo.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Discovered my roots
the other day
Pulled them out
from my foundation
Sat down on my bricks
and began to pray
Not for salvation
or some kind of
fake reconciliation
But for a hope
to understand
every part
of every root
that this confused man
stands on
To connect the
blurry lines
of my connection
to every other root
that isn't mine
And at some point
some point in
your time
or my time
to have an explanation
to pass down
that twisting