Scared.

__________________________________________________________

I watch the silence enter the room

like a cheap perfume takeover

this silence stench seems to cloud my compassion

for you and what we've become

Do I share your thoughts

like I share the past memories

of someone brand new?

People you've created for me

to stare at

to fight with

to deny they were ever apart of you

I'd like to think this is all my fault

wouldn't want to put this on you

because if it were up to fight or flight

I would have already flew.

That Old Black Hole

___________________________________________________________

I put on my clothes like a body guard

I put the dogs on patrol in my own back yard

I don't want to fight, but I'm constantly ready

And I don't rock the boat, but its always unsteady

There's an elephant in my head

And I tiptoe around it

There are eggshells on the floor

Therefore I never touch the ground

It's like that old black hole

No matter how you try

You set out each day

Never to arrive

I got my eye on the prize, but it looks just like the mystery

And it all goes by on the lonesome trail to victory

I'm drawing the blinds; I've got my own four walls

Man the show really starts once the curtain falls

Take this thorn from my side

Fix this chip on my shoulder

Time is racing with the clock

And I ain't getting any older

It's like that old black hole

No matter how you try

You set out each day

Never to arrive

I put on my finest thread

And I wrap up my body tight

With the sun in my eyes

I step into the night

Like a mystery in the dark

Oh its just another kind of light

I don't expect you do believe me, but everything is alright

I don't make rules for a living

I don't do tricks for a dime

I was born on a good day - deaf, dumb, and blind

Who am I to tell the truth

Oh, I don't even know what it is

I don't know how to say it

But I know that I can show you

I said I don't know how to say it

But I know that I can show you

I tied my boots up tight and head straight to bed

There's a pistol and a crystal underneath my pillow

There's a tender heart inside that ugly armadillo

These are tears of joy cried the weeping willow

There's a spirit in the air, there ain't to way around it

I was not prepared to lose it all the moment that I found it

It's like that old black hole

No matter how you try

You set out each day

Never to arrive

Advice from Casey Kochmer

Boredom

Boredom, Tedium, loss of focus, tiredness, and so many ways to describe getting stuck in the rut....

Don't be afraid to show what you feel, nor to express yourself. After-all at some point we all go down to experience being down. The truth is, we all have our lows.

What makes the difference is what you do in the lows.

If you embrace the lows, the lows just get lower. Depression and boredom feed upon each other to create deeper holes to climb out from later. So one lesson to understand is don't reinforce your lows with more lows.

For example:
It might be fun to hang out with a friend who is depressed when you are depressed for company. Misery loves company, but misery adores misery... Sharing depression with another person in depression just ensures you keep each other down and in the rut. Misery just digs the hole deeper for depression to root in and depression just pulls misery down upon itself...

It's just a terrible combination!

It's acceptable to express your lows, but it's destructive to embrace them. You must release the lows, as singing the blues, to let the wind wail but then to come up and out back to the sun. The secret of the blues, isn't that the singer embraces the depth of despair, but they are rejoicing from hopes of harmony, the process of release by actually singing out rather than holding in the blues. This release of song lifts the person out from the blues, to show even at the darkest point, a song can make light of the dark...

No boredom and all the negative emotions are not bad for you unless you make it your lifestyle. Any negative lifestyle will tear down your world block by block... Yes this might be a form of release: but it is a destructive release over a constructive release.

We talk about release all the time in Taoism, however, we teach to release in a positive manner, in a manner that embraces grace, compassion and kindness.

If you release in a manner that embraces sloth, envy and spite then you actually get replacement rather than release, you swap out your core being to be negative attachments that end up defining you.

In other words to sing the blues is to sing:
"freedom is when you have nothing left to lose..."

So Depression knows this and depression will fill your being with misery... Misery will add in boredom... boredom breeds contempt...and it all adds up... so in the end you will get so full of these negative emotions you literally have no room left, no place to go, stuck in the rut.

Experience the lows, so you can turn around to release the very same lows, to learn to recognize them and tell Mr. Low Down Misery ... sorry no more... It's time for me to go... And release to the song of my life.

Release is just release... in the end, we all must let go to discover grace... hanging on, drags everyone down... down... down... most especially true when you are down upon yourself. It's pretty hard to restart your life, if you yourself are keeping yourself down....


Release...


Namaste